PACKING AWAY YOUR FEELINGS
Feelings Should Be Felt
We all have feelings and as children we all expressed them very similarly. We laughed from the pit of our stomachs when something was funny, we screamed when we were scared, and we cried like there was no tomorrow when we were upset.
As children, we innately know we must EXPRESS these emotions. No one tells you as a child that you need to laugh to feel happiness and joy and you need to cry when you are upset or hurt, it just happens.
So why is it that as we grow up, we subconsciously teach ourselves to pack away our emotions and feelings? This goes for men and women. We are all secret emotional pack rats stuffing away our emotions in fear that we will be judged or even worse get HURT.
My Family Called Me the Devil’s Child
As a little girl, I was considered “the devil’s child” in my family. No joke, my family called me that at times because I would throw tantrums, cry and scream at the top of my lungs soooo loud that it could have shattered an entire glass house. Seriously I mean it! My family all remembers the story of when we were driving home one day, and for some reason I had a Bekah-sode and started crying and screaming at the top of my lungs.
My crying and screaming was so loud that my Dad got out of the car and walked home (don’t worry my mom was there to drive us home).
As I grew older, the anger and tantrums started to dissipate, most likely from hitting maximum capacity of spankings and timeouts a that a child could receive. I don’t recall exactly when or how, but one day I shut those feelings of anger and rage off. I tell people this story and every time they are surprised to hear that I was a loud and angry child, because as a teenager and on I was so quiet, kind and gentle.
It wasn’t until Danette May explained at her The Rise 2018 event that we all pack away our emotions and feelings. She said some of are SO good at packing our feeling away that we even have them color coded, labeled and all! And it is totally true! We all pack away our feelings because we don;t want to deal with it or we are afraid to get judged or hurt.
I had packed away those feelings of anger because it was no longer socially acceptable for me to get angry in public or at school and so instead of finding a healthier alternative to express my feelings of anger, I just packed them away deep down in my body to never be found again. In exchange, I took drastic measures to avoid anger, by becoming 1. extremely shy and 2. a people-pleaser.
It has taken me time to allow myself feel and honestly it is a daily mindful practice to allow yourself to feel.
How to Feel Your Feelings
Feelings are simply an emotional state or reaction - THEY ARE NOT PERMANENT
Feelings are created by thoughts
For example, if you are driving on the freeway and someone cuts you off as you are trying to merge lanes, your first thought may be “Wow, that person is so rude, how dare they!”, then you may feel the feelings of anger, frustration and even road rage arise.
Now that you understand the connection between thoughts and feelings, you can…
Acknowledge the thoughts and the feelings, let them pass through you, and then go about your day.
NOTE: The intention is not to suppress the feelings, but rather let the feelings pass through you without judging yourself.
If you are having trouble shaking certain feelings, here are some ways to process them:
Start journaling - write down exactly how you are feeling and don’t hold anything back!
Sit in silence and take deep breaths until the feelings pass
Cry it out - yes crying is acceptable for men and women!
Go for a walk or run
Punch a pillow and scream at the top of your lungs
Roll up your windows in your car, crank up the music and scream at the top of your lungs
In closure, it is okay to FEEL. The worst thing you can do for your mind, body and overall health is pack away and suppress your feelings. This can cause severe physical health problems and impact your relationship with yourself and your loved ones.
Please reach out if you need support or help and I would be happy to guide you in the right direct.
YOU ARE ENOUGH
YOU ARE PERFECT
YOU ARE LOVED